STRESS and Finding Grace in Whatsoever Things

My artworkie! :D

STRESS!

is the feeling of being a confused hungry locked guinea pig in a sopping wet cage with no free range time ever! If I could just... juST...JUST literally crumple, rip, and stomp the word itself with as much belching oooomph' of a blow, fug it out to oblivion, oh man, my friend, would I! 

To think that I've been wifey' for 23 years and a mom for 22, wow! Shouldn't I have it all together by now? Calm, collected, wise, comforting, a pole of strength, a river of rushing wisdom, feminine sage, the LIGHT??

Can I please be ALL that, NOW, the purrfect me in my mind? Seriously, I am an overgrown human hissing cat! Right now there is nothing at all remotely "enchanted" about moi' hahaha! Forgive me, but I am and most likely will ALWAYS be a colossal mass of inner hysteria when any one of my boys ( my hubby included :) is sick.

So it is, shucks, whether your child is 1 or 21 it's still the same gut wrenching wearing your heart-out-on your-sleeve ache! You bleeeeed without the ooze of red thick liquid. It is a trauma that leeches out of your every pore, your every follicle, a painful throb out of your every intake and exhale of breathe.You want to butt-head the ill feel, kiss that offending boo-boo away, hover, fuss, take the yolk of suffering unto yourself -- Oh ugh' I am dopey' simpering drama and can't help it. I'm a mommy and I WORRY (yes, even if he is 21 and not 1!).

Thank the gracious God, right now I think he (my son) is getting better; not as much coughing and no fever and he smiled - i know a smile like that. There is still the long tonight to observe -- and tomorrow I'd still insist he take another blood test. It's a bad bout of flu, BUT I want to make sure...like thoroughly clear my aching heart ( and head) sure it's a seasonal flu, period. Hah, and now it is my hubby sniffling and sneezing and all puffed watery eyed...and my eldest asked for a paracetamol...shazam!

So what does one do in a week of gut churning emotions? Clean - maddeningly! Chop down trees ( yes, I did -- they weren't really THAT big). Make a bonfire of the piles of leaves. Battle garden ants. Drink Coke lite ( instead of tea). Make art (somehow) then stop midway, walk here and there with a plastered smile showing spurious tenacity. Plus, do everything else in a half  dazed zombie semblance of one's self  while attending to patient.

I miss my BLISS! I miss smiling and combing my hair! I miss sanity! Thank goodness for fantastic photos like this one (below) I gleamed from Pinterest , It is just amazing! I adooore how colors and books and wine and odd dippity shapes blended together-- this is so my homey' style! The whole story can be found here:

 --> Natalie's Beach Girl Meets Book Nerd Nest

Source: gallery.apartmenttherapy.com via Lady on Pinterest

Of course, all sour days must pass ( a cycle of pain and birth it is)  and life is beautiful the way we make, stir or blend it. Let me meditate on an ancient wisdom I love..." whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." ~ Philippinas 4:8

So yes, I do. Grateful still that there is grace in every whatsoever little thing.

Liquid Wisdom ♥L❀VE ♥

I believe we are called to the duty of delight. ~ Dorothy Day

 ♥´¯`•.¸¸.• ♥L❀VE ♥´¯`•.¸¸.•   

Tired, tired, tired, tired,  tired! And there is still dinner to take care of. I must, simply and most truly prepare something special tonight as the hubby had been quite giving ( and understanding) about the take in dinners I presented two evenings (or 3? ) in a row. My trusted Lady Help is sick and hasn't been able to come for her regular duties in assisting me with the keep of my home. And with those five days soaked in storm, even that big mess in my eenie' front tree yard had to be dealt with by me and me alone. Exhausted am I. 

But even with this tiredness clinging to my very bones, there is this deep sense of bonding with the walls I feel; like the spirit of my homey' and I just shared a secret day of being only "you and me" together. Everything is more peaceful and cozier.

´¯`•.¸¸.• 

The storm has passed, my help will be in tomorrow, a hot bath is running for me right now, and later still the presence of my husband and sons will fill this home. Not to forget, a late cup of green tea before dinner will be enjoyed. I am blessed.

♥ Listening to the beautiful Chopin Compendium

just being quiet with me

http://midsummerprism.tumblr.com/

You must not ever stop being whimsical, and you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life. ~ MaryOliver

 *”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ. ℒℴνℯ♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥  

Two points. First, to always be whimsical: I can do whimsy. Second, to never give anyone the responsibility for your life. Hmm...poetic profound and so to the face.

It's a Monday afternoon and I am sick. Not as sick as I was yesterday but definitely out of whack. What a shame to start the week weepy, wallowed and wilting -- oh! my! haha! 

No, I will fight this. I cannot give anyone the responsibility for my life. Must must must pull myself up, mend and not pathetically wait for anyone to make me feel better. Yes, even if this bug makes me perceive everything ( even yesterday and tomorrow ) in such a mass of grey clouded disdain, I musn't  drown in morose thoughts but be present to life's prettiness and whatever small event to be thankful for.

Grateful for:
1. Having finally started doing my art (once again). How brave of me.
2. Pretty inspiring sites and started a Tumblr roll of it. Fun!

I will get my groove back once again for sure. Right now there is a mothering of myself needed, I admit. As much as my home is a space of  contentment and I am deeply devoted to family, I feel that a part of me wishes for more solitude. More just being quiet with me.

And this quote by Fitzgerald brought a smile to my sicky blue' day....

"It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living."
~ F. Scott Fitzgerald 

Having fun with: Midsummerprism Tumblr
and fun too at Lady Prism Pinterest

Source: wingsforlashes.tumblr.com via Lady on Pinterest

the silver born in you

Dream. So me. I am utterly captivated! I found this photo on Pinterest followed the link and was in transit magically into the whispy world of "Romany Soup" by blessedwildapplegirl. I don't normally use other's photos ( in fact this, I believe is the first time ever) so I scouted for permission and there it was. --> link back. And who wouldn't want to "share" her tapestry of heaven, eh? I see myself here, table and all ( because I have the same table with flowerettes and the tea pot and the greens and  the apples and pears and nestled by a window too) looking out into the street. I found the perfect description for my current moment.
Visit Romany Soup. Prepare for magic.

♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ. ℒℴνℯ♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ    
" Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly 
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave,
of silver born in you "
~ Pablo Neruda
♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ. ℒℴνℯ♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ    


This week I will be charmed. There. I declare myself married to poetry and writing and (my ) art. YES,   until my veiny veins morph into tendril baby vines of inspiration and pappy petal buds of pretty creep out my very pores and grow me  into a daisy - or a primrose, whichever, no matter,  it would be  the true juicy flower soul of me  zoetic! A licentious menage a' troit  ( none of the Shelley scandal, haha!) of the most wanton creative kind - if I may say so - for this is who I am.  And is now my life. And will be my sparkling fabulous future. Thus be it. Thus be! Thus be!


It has come to a brazen point where I have to think "par-si-mo-nious-ly" of myself ( i am chilled to say that word -- MYSELF for it feels criminal  and so selfish ) ; to let go and not be so phobic of the future, not so clingy to the present, not be into my ( wee' grown up early 20's) boys' faces - ( to put it mildly, because having young adults in the home, in all honesty is quite a challenge. I hover still. This mommy has to grow up. Sigh). 


The unshackling! I give myself permission to come to me and bless my flair and wit and not be encumbered by "irrelevance" ( circumstance or  person); to nurture mind with beauty and insight, and nourish my soul with the refinement, the elegance of the enchanted present that renders itself before me; like that hazy' waft of misty rain that fell softly and danced before my very eyes painting the tree lined road a sight so zen. i see magic i know. a world behind the curtain of this world i see.  


"burst forth in joy...the sudden wave of 
silver born in you." 


I will.

The Thread That Binds Us All

♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ. ℒℴνℯ♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ " Not by appointment do we meet delight Or joy;  they heed not our expectancy; but round some corner of the street of life, they of a sudden greet us with a smile. ~ Gerald Massey

My little joy spot 

I can't believe how this tumble thread of days can just tangle unto another...Why' it seems only a blink ago that I sat content in the veranda' with an enamored view of the silver sea; transfixed I was by sweepy lull lapping waves.

I had a book which remained unopened on that table. Yes, I was intending to read. But no, I had to say no to the pages; the seascape before me was far too precious to slight - even for a second. I wanted to drink, engulf, imbibe and nurse myself in all the beauty and soak full body, mind and soul in nature's resplendent display. It was a rainy weekend -- and all the more endearing as the heavens poured a harmony of misty blowing droplets that enhanced evermore the lush greens and flowerettes all around. There was quietude in the cacophony of nature's current temperament.

In the evening, the sweetheart and I had that lovely dinner overlooking the beach, followed by coffee coupled with the best blueberry cheesecake I've had in a while. Then my strawberry margarita and his preferred drink was served. It all molded happy considering this little retreat was a business trip and totally unexpected.

-- Back in the city there was a day of celebrating the event of my son's 21st birthday which coincided with Father's Day. Dinner at a local Chinese restaurant. Cake and coffee back home after. All would be bliss' in the coming days I thought, but sigh'...

Let's just say when one gets too comfy on the steering wheel of life, out of the blue a bump is sure to jolt you back from reverie. Oh well, one ought not to dwell morosely on the melodrama of life. Instead, I'd like to point out this inspiring thread of goodies' that have made me smile:

This dolphin made me smile big time! 

1. Had a nice letter chat with friend Hliza. 
2. Rosemary and Thyme ~ I must write a post about this gardening mystery series. I adore it!
3. Enchanted April  - I don't think I'll ever tire of the book { nor of  the movie}. I'm looking forward to reading more Elizabeth von Arnim writings.
4. Glynnis Whitwer - I love reading her Bible devotions. Not at all condescending or hard put. Just very lifting.
5. FB Inspirations - My newsfeed is littered with inspiring quotes, garden and nature pictures! It's a joy to open up and see all the fun and beauty! And it's nice to hear and read from friends all over the world.
5. Cynthia's Cottage Design - Wonderful!!! No words, except - wonderful!!
6. I was kissed by a seal. Wow!
7. Watched dolphins at play!

Today I meet a good friend and the day after I take lessons in organic soap making.

-- Life is sunshine. Life is storm. A day followed by another can be downright dismal {and for a moment} despondency can even set in. I know of friends who are struggling with fear and uncertainty and anger and doubt. So do I at times. We want to run away to a place where everything is SURE, where there is pastoral calm and everything works out the way it's supposed to work out.

-- This wanting...this dream..it binds us all. We ask of life what is necessary. And what is necessary is to gather all shinning moments as one would stumble upon and pick up precious shells while strolling by the shoreline of a billowing sea. We scoop up the treasure, marvel at its exquisiteness and pocket it as a memory. There are a many of these moments, it is well to be reminded at times. And they come almost always...just like my recent chippery weekend....quite unexpected.

with only two hours of sleep

And I'm thinking if this is it, or more aptly, if that was that --> that listless winkie'  I've had for 2 hours. Because I'm wide awake, my senses percolating my fingers willing to tap tap tap' as slight purr like breaths of contented slumber emanate from this man beside me. At 4:32 am I hear the slow sure waking of the world; first the birds, then the cicadas, then the sure stirring of my good neighbors. 

Stepping out into the morning:

~ So I go out and look at the sky and sip on this mug { "You are special SPECIAL" it says} of caffeine {sugarless} and take in the slight dampness of the air which is a welcome WELCOME from the overbearing summer we are languishing in. I'm thinking, there is THAT party tonight to go to {must -- the compelling niceties because I am mousy shy standing amongst strangers}.

Wondering about the picture:

~ Have I used this photo before? I can't recall but perhaps I've had way back December. Dear to me I remember how I was alone and {Oh' }how festively I dwelled in that particular joie - full alone-ness, jiggy with anticipation that my tribe will walk in round' nine but for the moment to sit in such soft magical sparkles of that December evening with Sinatra {crooning} with a book and with a mug of hot chocolate
{ for the wine will come later: what blissful constitution!}....

Pondering about the home:

~ Let me tell of the home for I have lived in some, each a different character from the other. My present home if it were a person, would be, reserved in nature -- but once reassured, unfolding and embracing in its welcome. It has its moods, one can just feel it.Quite peculiarly, it is a very sensitive space. It is my constant caring and assurance and fussing about that causes it to smile - if I may say. This is a home with a relaxing promise of retreat, of being embraced in peaceful sequestration. Tables and chairs have been rearranged since the photo was taken and a new personality - more convivial seems to be evolving. Still that soothing energy of privacy within privacy emanates.

A Day Ponderous with Messages

Of course, how could we even doubt?
How could we doubt benevolence? How could we doubt guidance? How could  we doubt this whole vibrating force of energy to leave wanting for answers to questions yet formed into words; answers that make perfect sense in the context of the world we each inhabit. I am suffused with the sensation that every gap is enervated with messages. Iridescent words the Universe is whispering to me. Everything around us is pulsating with communication!

1. " Gather yourselves: banish the word struggle from your attitude and vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred way and in celebration. We are the ones we've been waiting for."~  ( A Hopi Elder: meditations from the Mat by Rolf gates) ~ Spirit Site

2. " And that you study to be quiet and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands as we have commanded you.  That ye may walk honestly with them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing." ~ 1 Thessalonians 4: 11-12

3. "You are willing to learn new things because you do not know it all. You are willing to drop old concepts when they  no longer work for you.  You are willing to see situations about yourself and say, I do not want to do that anymore. You know you can become more of who you are. Not a better person because that implies you are not good enough- but you can become more of who you are. " ~ Louise L. hay 

4. " Just Be: I am relaxed and present to this moment." ~ Daily Word

5. "Have faith! Have faith in your intuition and your creativity. Make it fun as well!" ~  Courage to Create, Write and Love

Message: gather yourself - banish struggle from vocabulary and attitude - do all things in a sacred way- celebrate - study - be quiet - do  own business - work with own hands - walk honestly - you have lack of nothing - learn new things - drop old concepts - you are good enough - become more of who you are - just be relaxed and present - faith - intuition - creativity - fun! 

Flower photo taken by me. 

Chicken Sandwich and Where Do Wounded hearts GO?

"Lady Reading By A Window": Thomas Benjamin Kennington
Click  Gandalf's Gallery to view

The beach, the mountain, the forest, by a river, down the lake, anywhere with pure quiet solitariness would be my preference. Whisk me!

Though March may be thick of summer, my surrounding is sodden in bleak mottled grey. I am heart sick. Ugh, melodramatic, but how else can I say it? I've a mind to pack myself a slice of (wheat bread) chicken sandwich, a bottle of spirtzy water, and a good sized pink cottony blanket to spread on the grass; perhaps then my entire composition would lift. Chicken sandwich will do it!

Of course there would be a book and a pen to bring. But the sun, the sun is stubbornly merciless! All would have to wait till later.

Scorching and sticky and numbskulled! Days like this, one simply has to ride it.

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California Chicken Sandwich