This Mindful Moment smack' in the Middle of 40's!

Maybe it's the scalding hot peppermint tea, maybe it's the yellow decongestant, but thank God, I can breath again, somewhat. Suffering from allergies that's me right now; my chest feels constricted, my eyes blurred, head a block of  achy' - my back a plyboard stiff solid discomfort , ears clogged partly, and then there's my nose too..the right disobliging nostril. There are days when I literally feel that parts of me are on finicky' strike, refusing to reason with my mind, huffy belligerent as an errant pugnacious adolescent. Hah, which happens to be exactly what I'm done with - adolescents - teenagers, to be exact! 

 My 22.4 year old youngest enrolled in college, for what would be his last semester! Might I say,  this is a yelpy' "hurrah" moment for me, though in turn there's also that mommy horror rub-a- dub' fear of an absurd grim chance he would flunk a subject -  a cuckoo possibility far remote as Timbuktu' because his grades have been historically above par since shifting to Media Studies from Accounting, whew! Plus, my loves know what a classic hissy fit La Diva' Mama is capable of when her sensitivities are trifled with, hehehehe! :D 

So there, with my eldest just graduated and the youngest on his way, I patiently endure my soggy' flared sinuses, smile and  bow in exhaled gratefulness for the lot I have in this mindful, change charged moment smack in the middle of a 40's mid-life! 

Do I worry? Yes! Do I worry? Yes! Do I worry? Yes! I am the granted "Queen of Worrydom" currently, as I grind my mind (yes, I can) trying to divine a perfect future for the boys; a future where no unsound choices are made, no calculating jerks are met. If this mother may, for them I vouchsafe simply exact smooth transitions from one level of professional success to another, leveling up to unmitigated bliss of sound familial glory, until (finally) crowned philanthropic brilliance. Suave.

Survival.  Success. Significance. BUT, without the caustic arduous messy struggling stumbling crusty pain filled parts. Cosmeticized photoshopped existence (?) Quite subhuman, really. How imprudent of me to think it.  

If I could only live their lives for them, side-stepping wrong decisions, plucking ripe worthy aspirations to grant at the end of it all, the fullness of their life's true meaning..then I would. Because, right now when I gaze at them young at the cusp of beginnings, I live my life in sentimental  retrospect pin-pointing exactly my gains, salutes, strengths, victories, as well, as the thudding faults, groping blunders and downright errors I had to grapple with. Like the "Oracle" in the "Matrix" I want them to be the "One". I want to reveal the "path". What a foolhardy' fallacious aspiration, for there isn't any super power for me to give or grant. They have to make for themselves what they are and walk what road they choose to pave. Very much the way it was and is for me. 

Awhile ago, one of them asked what my "goal" in life is.  He followed it by saying his goal is to be able to help the "less fortunate"....  

My goal is what it has always been since I've decided to be a mother. To be as a   significant lighthouse...inviolable...weatherbeaten perhaps, but ever reliant in sunshine, enduring in storms, imperishable in tremor and gracefully standing in calm. I may pursue varied "interests" - but they are not goals. I only have one life on this plane. I am Lady Prism..my life purpose is iconic... I am an encompassing beam and a  forever light ( my children)  that's yours. 

I'll be watching you. 

Remembering the magic!

The Hubs

That early evening was misted in a kind of ethereal other-worldliness, the mundane hectic pace of life lived the hours before swallowed in the magic of the hour. I love this place! can I say that again? I LUV' this place!

It was a drizzly late afternoon and there was no one around save for us ( and the bartender). The quiet was peaceful, a pervasive hum that wiffs' of romance mixed with the ambiance of being caught in a parallel world of nostalgia. Had a ghostly 1928 lady and gent walked in, we wouldn't have been the least surprised or mind. My jeans felt out of place - like I should have been in a frilly dress with gloves and a hat.

To make things a notch surreal, there was no music at all....no sound to remind us that we were living and breathing the crazy existence of 2013. It felt so..homey..like I had been there before..familiar and so right. The vibe coursed through my every cell, running through my veins, energizing my marrows. The energy was so that I felt lightheaded in happiness. Make that bliss - a type of bliss gift wrapped and packaged just for me. No doubt the Universe knew how dreary I had been feeling and decided to make itself felt by offering a living dream with a the best double Margarita ever!

When I get lonely, or fretful.....whenever I feel drabby or ordinary, all I have to do is go back to this page and recall, once more, that day when the world proved itself a magic friend to me.
Not everybody can be this lucky. I am.

•ღJuly Days of Color Luv and Random Happiness!Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ.

♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ.♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥
Agenda -
ღ.Pray beautifully ღ.Think beautifully ღ.Work beautifully ღ.Speak beautifully ღ.Create a beautiful something
•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •It is said...
" whatsoever is noble, whatsoever is beautiful, think only of those things..."

ღ.Now Reading:
Healing Waters by Nancy Rue ( shelved meantime)
Minding Frankie by Mauve Binchy ( done!)
Iris and Ruby by Rosie Thomas ( kinda' boring so I've set it aside for something I just bought.
•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •

It is the first day of August, yay! And  THAT picture of me in the yellow brimmed hatty' was not taken July this year. More like, July last year since my hair had that red rusty tinge still. Currently, I'm sporting a tint of rainbow yellows ( shades of varying yellows and blonds due to several layers of coloring ) with inner stripes of peeping black. Try to picture that!  I'm happy with these pics though because I snapped them right after I was finally done repainting my dining table a rustic white! Artsy' mode I was in that time and these funky pics so full of vibrant colors are my testament to July! 

Fun month it was I'd say, even if there were blah' days I'd rather forget. Must dwell on the random happiness that life gifts me. Must make sure to keep myself zoned on feeling "good" say's the "Law of Attraction" - but goodness, how to, haha! And so I do the thing I do, the best way and this here is how it looks like for now!

Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot  mystery saga's are a whole load of fun, I discovered this July. After a tiring day, I'd excitedly fix things up in the evening in anticipation of a hot steamy cup of tea and a new episode to watch- for free- on YouTube! Ah, the perks of technology! :D So what's in store for August, I wonder? My plans fall on the following inspiration:

Color: I'd go for yellow, blue and pink

Word: "Embrace" "Hug" "Accept" "Encourage"

Action: Fun

There will be creating and inviting and accomplishing and laughing and friendship. The vibes are well and good!!! :D 

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Food Luv'

♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ.♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥
“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.”
~ Elizabeth Gilbert 

  
And my thoughts, I'm famished to say, go the way of oily succulent meaty smokey tasty food!! 

Attempting a two week everyday sanctimonious exercise and veggie' diet scheme, I found myself insanely lusting for the noodlie' poetry of a grand emperor Chinese buffet, haha! To credit myself, I wasn't vaguely thinking food  that late Sunday afternoon a couple of weeks back when  hubby suggested we dine out, hehe! "Hey, it's been a while," he tuttered. 

My sons were game for it so I was, "OK, where to?" -- Maybe just somewhere a walk away, like that little hole in'awall Japanese nook down the block, I expounded.  No, the brood preferred something farther. "If it's a drive you want then we lets go Chinese - that swanky' place where their golden chicken is smoked to dreamy delicious delusion," I suggested! 

This is how that night went! It was all stars when we set forth and had the"chicken." Then afterwards, it rained  terrifically torrential! We braved the initial soaky' dribbles and walked umbrella-less under the dank black sky. It was fabulous OK as because there was such a city crowd that night all in good cheer and the good vibes just drenched us all! 

Thank goodness, by the time the inky sky went bashing somber  we were snuggly ensconced in a comfy coffee and donut place. Reason I'm posting this all is because it's great to come back and recall the times when we were together as a family. Doesn't happen often enough anymore since the boys usually have their own thing going.

A few Days After: 
 I received a cutesome' invite in my FB inbox to join a virtual cocktail event. I figured I wouldn't have time to mix anything interesting so I went along with a plain bottle of "Strawberyy Hill Boones Farm " ladies drink.Just a low end wine cooler, I know, but it was fun virtually toasting ladies half way around the world!
 Then, last Father's Day hubby wanted something a bit Middle Eastern. He searched online for a nearby place we most likely haven't tried and succeeded  finding us the perfect restaurant. So we went for a drive and checked out the place. It was a cozy dig with low lights and just the right ambiance.

So we had an order of hummus ( as usual when we're in a place like this), chapatti ( I like that it was so warm and soft when served), chicken biryani and a plate of beef curry. Oh, and yes, the lamb kebabs, of course.  Afterwards' we had coffee and a slice of cake between us and my eldest son. The youngest opted to stay home. 

Last night wasn't exactly date night but once again, the man wanted to go out for dinner. Said he wanted to do a bit of celebrating for successfully conducting a rigorous training for an well esteemed client. He put in so much work and preparation for that event and now that it was done, he wanted to unwind. Unwind means food. So he asked me what I wanted to have and I had in mind Tony Roma's. But when we got to the place and I scanned the menu, for one reason or another it didn't look that appealing so we went, once again, for spicy Mediterranean food!

It's been a couple ov' weeks laced with food luv' amidst work and stressing. I haven't gone back to my exercising thing so I'll probably gain back the weight I put off - and then some, haha! Lots in my mind right now and really, I'm looking forward to a quiet Friday night. I'll probably fix up a simple, and I mean, simple  dinner for my son - and for me.

The music that goes along with this post.

glitter-graphics.com

♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Making Joy and Happiness the Center of My World ~ Quotes I am Truly Inspired to Live By

"Be grateful for what you do have, and you will find it increases. I like to bless with love all that is in my life right now--my home, the heat, water, light, telephone, furniture, plumbing, appliances, clothing, transportation, jobs--the money I do have, friends, my ability to see and feel and taste and touch and walk and to enjoy this incredible planet." ~Louise L. Hay

♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ.♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥

"Remember the things that gave you joy as a child. Incorporate them into your life now. Find a way to have fun with everything you do. Let yourself express the joy of living. Smile. Laugh. Rejoice, and the Universe rejoices with you!" ~ Louise L. Hay

♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ.♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥

"Rejoice in the abundance of being able to awaken each morning and experience a new day. Be glad to be alive, to be healthy, to have friends, to be creative, to be a living example of the joy of living. Live to your highest awareness. Take your inner child under your loving wing. When it's frightened, say to her or him, "The past is over. I am here now." ~LOUISE HAY

 ♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥¸¸. ,•ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ. ℒℴνℯ •ღ.♥¸.•*”Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥

" We are not given a good life or a bad life. 

We are given a life. 

It is up to us to make it good or bad. 

~ Louise l. Hay

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Louise L. Hay has been a significant inner voice in my life lately with words and phrases that resonate so soothingly inside my mind. Like the first wift' of fresh wind after clambering out of a dank cave, her inspiration gently lifts my spirit.

The Angel Behind Me

Angel Behind Me

(¯`✻´¯)
`*.¸.*✻`*.¸.*✻ღϠ₡ღ¸.✻You wake up in the morning, and your purse is magically filled with 24 hours of un-manufactured tissue of the universe of your life. It is yours. It is the most precious of possessions. No one can take it from you. And no one receives either more or less than you receive.
~ Arnold Bennett

AND -this is my one wild precious life, the feeling, the living, the angst, the crumby victory or two, the diving down deep deep deep into the deepest abyss of questionings and confusion and inner chaos and ( mostly manufactured)  fear of "did I do it righ?" or "maybe I could've done better?". Being a mom of two boys, or should I say men (I still grapple with the latter though they are both in their early 20's) I find myself even more in the muddle than when they were in their teens. The intense knowing that they will soon be on their own - truly on their own - gives me the jeebies'..I cringe when they have problems, or hurts, or when they get THAT look that says they're processing the reality of life. It's not all fun. You have to work it to be happy.

 I know how it is to be that age, starting, full of adrenaline and high convictions, ideals that are overtheroof, and a surveying of  the world with a nauseating haze of agitation, realizing it's no heaven. And when I try to "explain" how one should face frustrations and disappointments my counsel fleets away, I think. There was time I prided myself to be  a fount of motherly wisdom - I'd say anything and the lesson would sink. Not anymore. And even writing this down is surprising for me as I wasn't in the preripheral of thinking about them when I started typing. Flows, it just flows, and I am at that phase and stage in life and maybe this is to acknowledge it.

They are very well and good and full dreams and a bit jaded too. As I was at their age. I'll have to trust the days and the hours and the minutes into the powerful hands of the divine or might I, in doing not, make my life an endless documentary of  consternation and disquietude. Unbecoming. Does the world owe me an answer to the future? Of course not.

Faith. The angel behind me is behind them too.

Happiness is who you are: Joy is the living!

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise on your lips.”
~ Kahlil Gibran

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Joy, you know all too well that you alone are the word I dangle as a crystal pendant around my neck! I harken to you whispering  prayers and blessed incantations calling forth your redolent sweet spirit. I welcome and embrace the cadence of  your breathing into my heart, my mind, my life. JoY, you are my inner home. Joy, you are wings that give me flight. Joy, you are my sanctuary.  Joy, you are my living.

The days and the minutes and the hours can be trying. There is sadness, there is confusion, there is pain. My moments do not always reflect the genuine generosity of laughter's bidding. Downtrodden, even and at times half sick, I weep for peace because the world that surrounds me does not reflect the peaceable unpretentious quiet I have inside. This world is akin' to the mythical Babel. It is noise and perturbation; I am rattled that it will not get along with how I opt it to be.

It still surprises me how people can be cold and callous and rude. Even the affection that I give is thwarted and flung back in animosity. This blankets me in anguish, and though I am never one to look back at whatever fortune might have abided, and though I do not dwell in regret,  and though I turn the other cheek, still, yes, still... I share the plight of Lot's wife: petrified - reduced to a grotty' pillar of salt!

 In my darkest hurts, I shelter in a corner where I listen to my soul's faint moan for flight from this temporal body. And my being lets out a question even Richard Dawkin's has yet to spew an answer for. Who was I before I was me? Where was I before I am here? 
.
And then from nowhere the Spirit of Joy reminds me:  

“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change. the world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.” ~ Marianne Williamson

So that is the answer --> to love the world, just LoVe.

• Love even the foreboding corners of veiled heartaches. 
• Love compassionately even the tangled web of uncertainties that hover.
• Love even the hallow, the crookedness and ungratefulness that assaults. 
• Love, as Rilke conceded, even the questions themselves. 
• Love the peace and even the noise.
• Love even the darkness of the world

For if you do not love it all, then who will? Instead of railing, one must do a surrendering; In doing so one softens the world's abrasiveness. And just as a candle fairly casts it's glow, the world's somber dimness that pervades is gently illuminated by our surrender to love. There is no other way for we are annointed  to be Lightworkers. I have to love it all.

Now as I breath and relax and center my being, inspiration reminds me to take heart a deeply personal truth.
"Happiness is who you are and joy is the living!

The Enchantments of April...s' far ♥´¯`•.¸¸.• ♥ •´¯`•.¸¸.♥

An account of bashful blessings.

"It is passion, yes. But it is not love, not as I understand it.love is not a selfish need.It is not a hunger that must be fed.love should not exclude. It should make our lives broader, our hearts wider, surely. What kind of love is it that would lock us away, remove us from those around us. What kind of life is it to be alone.~ Dorcas Lane, Larkrise to Candleford

April Lunch in the Garden

April is heat! Blazing tropical summer days that appear to stretch soaky' sun drenched hours endlessly; languorous, defiant, and in instances merciless in playing flames with the mind causing  internal spurts of havoc that provoke sapped enervated tempers and sun stroked souls to whomp in weary exasperation -- and sneezing! We, creatures underneath a sun god sky, morph much like into  biting harangued fire ants that pester my garden insisting on existence, occupying the base of my mango tree wagging locked antennas in war stance lashing for territorial rights. Hah!  But, lest I make it appear, let me clarify that ---> April is NoT about ants and creepy creatures, No! Nor is it  about momentary fi·as·cos  of dispassionate connections, nOoooo! On the contrary....

April is a picnic summer basket of bashful blessings!  
And the month isn't over yet. S'far let me recount what most strikes me joyfully of the days gone by.

April is....
♥  Romantic starlit moon bright evenings!
♥  Irenic, sultry weekend afternoons reading in my backyard under the shady embrace of my "Mrs. Mango tree!"
♥ Connecting with an old friend and the resulting realizations that birthed from it.

 and April is the enchantment of...

♥ My discovery of Edna St.Vincent Millay! How I just swoon and live in her poetics!
♥ The witty Dorcas Lane! If I could only be as wise.
♥ Larkrise To Candleford! All 4 seasons were so "wonder full"...I was overcome with forlorn to have reached the last episode. I feel so lucky to have chanced all complete episodes and seasons on Youtube! I fancied it as much as I did Rosemary and Thyme!

"Laura Thyme: What's your experience with goats?
Rosemary Boxer: None.
Laura Thyme: Chickens?
Rosemary Boxer: Only in soup or sandwich form."

and yes, may I make mention of even practical enchantments..
♥ 2 new air-conditioners installed!
♥ a bigger grander no- frost ref, haha!
♥ my eldest son enrolled in college summer class with just a few more units  to complete his college diploma in Legal Management
♥ my youngest son enrolled for his summer OJT and is now with a major media outfit. I hear he is having fun. He too graduates this year.

Me

Afternoon on a Hill

I will be the gladdest thing
   Under the sun!
I will touch a hundred flowers
   And not pick one.

I will look at cliffs and clouds
   With quiet eyes,
Watch the wind bow down the grass,
   And the grass rise.

And when lights begin to show
   Up from the town,
I will mark which must be mine,
   And then start down!

~ Edna St. Vincent Millay